Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Big Bad Wolf charity charged with fraud

One of Metro’s new and upcoming charities has been closed amidst charges of fraud. The Big Bad Wolf Trust shut its doors last week after tax authorities and police began an investigation into its activities.

The Trust was launched with big fanfare at a barbeque two years ago and since then has become one of the most innovative, progressive and successful charities in the city. The Trust won the Best Charity Award from the League of Big Honking Charities last month. Its CEO, Spooley Wolf, was honoured at the Mayor’s Charity Awards with a community service medal earlier this year.

But the accolades changed to shock and disbelief last week when the IRS and the FBI launched a joint investigation into the Big Bad Wolf Trust on charges of fraud, money-laundering, racketeering, eating their donors and criminal bad breath. In a joint announcement, authorities said they were launching their investigation based on eyewitness accounts that senior leaders of the Trust have been pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes.

“According to our information, leaders of the Trust have not in fact been raising money for building natural habitats for wolves who live in Metro but have been instead buying bacon and building a secret pork farm-factory on the outskirts of town,” said US Attorney Dibble Brewer. “Further, we allege that the Trust’s leaders have been looting their endowment fund to buy into pork futures on the commodity exchange.”

“Even more shocking, we believe that the Trust CEO, Mrs. Spooley Wolf, tried to cover up the scam by eating most of the evidence and a few of the donors who made the original complaints to police,” said Brewer.

The FBI says they were alerted to the scam when one donor, rich industrialist J.R. Swine and his two brothers, filed a complaint alleging the Trust was committing fraud. In the complaint, Swine, a one-time member of the Trust’s board of directors, said that he suspected the organization was not spending money on environmental programs to help wolves, but on bulk purchases of meat, live animals and a fundraising database no one knew how to use. A week after the complaint was file, local police were called to Swine’s family compound where he and his two brothers each maintain their own homes. All three had been destroyed and none of the three brothers could be found except for one of their tails, which had been grilled and served with barbeque sauce.

“We now suspect that Spooley Wolf, CEO, Wendy Wolf, Director of Finance and Elizabeth Wolf, the head of communications, were behind the attack on the Swine family compound,” said FBI Special Agent John Snidely. “We found traces of wolf fur on two of the houses. And we traced back a purchase of explosives and fertilizer along with blasting caps to the Trust.”

“We think they blew down the houses and then…ate the Swines,” he said.

The investigation and subsequent closing of the charity came as a shock to both staff and donors.

“I can’t believe this is happening. I never knew that all this pork stuff was going on, and I was the chair of the finance committee. They tricked us all,” said Turner Moneybags, a local lawyer and major donor to the Trust. “I thought all the barbecues and the annual bacon festival we delivered was just good marketing. Honest.”

“They seemed to be so nice, Spooley , Wendy and Elizabeth. They were always very charming and often would salivate with happiness when I showed them pictures of my baby,” recalled CEO executive assistant June Lipshyts. “Yes, they had atrocious eating habits, but I never suspected that they ate anyone I knew.”

Former board member and community activist Peter Smith says the charges vindicate the allegations he made more than a year ago.

“I told them. I told the board. I told the IRS. I wrote letters. I sent emails. I said these women were up to now good. And did anyone believe me? No! They just said I was the boy who cried wolf. They laughed at me. And now look at what has happened! Geez.” he said.

The Trust’s remaining board members and staff says they plan to re-open the charity in a few months and spend their time and resources trying to counsel wolves to become vegetarians.