|Answering some of his million emails|
The North Pole’s telephone and Internet service crashed yesterday under the weight of more than 33,000 calls and nearly one million emails from consultants and suppliers looking to get a piece of Santa Claus’ new, $750 million capital fundraising campaign – The North Pole is Melting.
The calls, emails, flowers and couriered packages from fundraising consultants the world over started arriving within hours of the announcement of the campaign earlier this month. The volume increased steadily until the telephone system and Internet went down for three hours late yesterday. At its peak, Santa received 470 voicemails alone and 3,500 emails in a 24 hour period.
“Ho, ho, hold the phone!” said Santa Claus in a statement at Northpolemelting.com. “I don’t mind getting calls from good girls and boys who want to chat about whether they’ve been bad or good, but this is ridiculous. These people are making it impossible for us to get ready for Christmas!”
|Two consultants who got through|
The consultants didn’t just target Santa. Mrs. Claus received 100 free make-over offers and 450 dozen flowers, most of which wilted in the harsh Artic climate. Rudolph, as the chair of the campaign planning committee, was invited to address ten different fundraising associations. Others at the North Pole received pens, cooler bags, wreaths (as if they don’t have them at the North Pole), golf club sets and watches.
The campaign has re-directed all incoming calls, emails, gifts, letters, UFO sightings, tweets or other social media messages to the Old Elf Home where it is hoped they will stimulate and excite the aging elves who otherwise lead dreary, lonely lives.
“I want to thank everyone who contact us about the campaign, but unless you have some money to give please bug off,” concluded Santa.
The campaign also announced that Santa would not be accepting the 567 awards for Philanthropist of the Year from various worldwide fundraising associations.