Thursday, January 30, 2014

Cow board members “give of their time”, not milk


The board of directors of the Metro Cow Foundation says they don’t need to make a donation to the charity’s new milk campaign because “they give of their time.” The move was in response to the charity’s Executive Director asking for board members to make a donation to the $10 million “Give Milk” campaign.

“It was the feeling of the board that we already give to the success of this charity with our many hours spent at meetings and asking others to give milk. That’s enough. We don’t need to give any homo or skim to the campaign,” said Flossy The Cow, the chair of the board.

Executive Director Dibble Brewer made the pitch at last night’s board meeting, calling on the board to give a least a couple of ounces of milk or a stick of butter. Brewer made an impassioned plea that the board were role-models that needed to show others why giving to the Foundation was important. However, the appeal for participation went nowhere. Board members, led by long-time finance chair Mildred The Cow, quickly voted down the proposal.

“If I put a dollar figure to all the time I have spent working on behalf of this great charity that would equal a whole tanker-truck of un-pasteurized milk and maybe some of those cute baby-cheeses that come in wax, too,” she said. “I say we’ve already paid. In spades.”

The working-dinner board meeting at the foundation’s offices was supposed to review the charity’s third quarter financial results and the new planned cottage cheese giving program, but quickly got sidetracked by the discussions over giving milk to the campaign. Extra cud and straw had to be ordered as the heated discussions taxed the two stomachs of the bovine board members.

Fundraising committee chair Mossy The Cow pleaded with the board to change their minds, arguing that if board members don’t give no one will.

“Many of our biggest donors have been asking us whether our leaders also give to the campaign. I told them that this board always puts its money where its mouth is,” said Mossy. “But I stressed that we are always careful to avoid hoof-and-mouth disease.”

“We had this same discussion about diversity a year ago and the board was intransigent. Now, we have Sue The Pig on our board and we’re the better for it. We have to move with the times. And part of the job of a modern charity board is to give milk to their own cow capital campaign,” added Mossy.

Board member Fru-Fru The Cow objected to being asked for a donation on privacy grounds.

“I’ve been chewing cud with some of you now for nearly a decade and I don’t think it is fair for me to know how much milk you make or much milk I give from my udder. That’s just not right,” she said.

Chair Flossy asked the fundraising committee and the governance committee to meet to discuss the issue in depth before the next board meeting three months from now. However, some members say the issue will never be settled until a new crop of board members is sidled-up to the board stall at the charity’s barn.

“We just have to make giving milk a priority in selecting new board members and hope that one day this won’t be a problem,” said Mossy.