Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Consultants recommend Old Man Winter extend his non-profit activities into Spring, Summer

One of the US’s oldest non-profit organizations has been told to expand its activities or face the loss of a whole new generation of stakeholders.

The recommendations were contained in a consultant’s report handed down to the board of directors of Old Man Winter, the non-profit that creates the Winter Season in the US and around the world. Created at the dawn of time and run by the same hermit-like pixie for hundreds of years, the charity recently commission the study on how relevant its activities are today, especially with Generation Y (also known as Millennials).

The report by Big Invoice, a large non-profit consultancy based in Boston, recommended that the organization scale back on severity of Winter and expand into Spring and even Summer.

“Our research shows that Americans are really quiet fed up with Winter. This organization is not really doing itself any favours by laying waste to large parts of the US with freezing rain and snow. It needs to find a way to reach stakeholders with a better message,” the report concluded.

A survey done by Big Invoice found that support for Old Man Winter’s programs and services have fallen to drastically low levels. Only one in five Americans now say they appreciate the positive impact that Winter brings to farmers, lakes and rivers and snow-based tourism. Worse, ten percent of the survey said that they were violently opposed to the organization.

The research also had bad news about the generational impact of Winter. While support for Old Man Winter is falling steadily, it is falling twice as fast among Generation Y than Generation x or the Boomers. Big Invoice predicted that when the Boomers retire in large numbers over the next few years support for Winter will crumble to the point where the non-profit organization will be no longer viable.

The report explored a number of options, including bringing on a new Ice Age to cover the globe. However, it recommended expanding the organization’s activities into more popular months such as Spring, and eventually Summer.

“Spring gets much better numbers that Winter, and Summer more than Spring. This is an untapped market for the organization that could bring it back from certain demise,” the report said.

Big Invoice created a 10-point action plan that will see Old Man Winter target skiing slopes with more snow right up to July and sponsor snow sculpture contests year round. Most importantly, Old Man Winter will whistle-up a series of short snow squalls on in Southern US states during heat waves in July and August.

“The deep summer is when people will appreciate a little snow the most. When the temperature goes beyond 100 in key US cities, Old Man Winter should bring down an hour or two of light fluffy snow. This will get American associating the organization with positive things in their lives again,” the report said.

The consultants also recommended an ad campaign celebrating Winter featuring an array of Hollywood stars and a total make-over of Old Man Winter himself.

“The image that most Americans have of Old Man Winter is of a strange, icy creature that is heartless and relentless. We need to soften that by getting them to see his friendly, warm nature.”

The report recommends Old Man Winter appear on a variety of reality TV shows, such as Dancing With The Stars, and make the rounds of late night talk shows.

There’s no word when or if the recommendations will be accepted by the board of the organization, which is currently busy trying to freeze Georgia and damage parts of the orange crop in Florida.